Lately I’ve been feeling jaded. I feel so tired and my head feel very stuffed. I feel like this has a lot to do with growth. I feel as if I’m not growing, I feel like I’ve reached a point where I feel like I am no longer evolving. I go through my weeks by waking up, getting ready, go to work, come home, eat, do some online shopping (Christmas season is coming and I’m too lazy to go to the stores) and go to bed. There is no change in my daily retinue, and without change, there is no growth.
I feel like this suffocation is caused by community. I’m not sure if anyone ever heard of the saying that who you hangout with is who you are. My a big church girl, prior to my current job as a teller, I was a front desk at a hotel and prior to that I was a cashier at a hallmark. When I was at hallmark, I spend 3 out of my 7 days in church. I used to be so involve and I loved it but when I was at the hotel my schedule was too all over the place for me to be involved but with my current job, I could be back involve however, it is no longer the same,
Maybe because I was out of it for so long I am starting to feel that the community is not growing. The church is still having the same problem now, that they did before. There is no growth and there is no change. The people that craved for growth, they left the church or left the state in search of their own growth. It is years later but I feel like I’m back to where I started years ago.
I’ve planted my feet in Philly (mostly due to mortgage) but if I ever find something out there somewhere I will certainly move. I’m contemplating on my next educational step but that is not as hard as my next spiritual step. I love my church because they are my family but if the family is holding me back from growth, I have to do what is best for me.
Recently I tried two American churches. First one that I went to their praise and worship team seems like they were professional performer. They were so amazing, it was such a show to watch even though I did not recognized any of the songs. The sermon was a little on the heavier side though. The pastor recites from the bible a lot, so much that I lost track. The amount of information he gave was a little too much for me to in take in one sitting. Then the second that I went to their praise and worship, I have to say that they were horrible. The first girl that sang, she could not hold a pitch for the life of her. Her face looked like she was constipating the whole time, it was just bad. However, the sermon was really good. The two church that I went to actually had the same topic, which was finance. How our finance relate to God. How our money does not belong to us but belong to God. Both churches had the same message but the second church I went to it was much easier to understand and it was much lighter of an intake. I really liked the style, I feel like in some aspect the lead pastor was similar to my own pastor but with a slightly different feel, maybe that’s why I was very drawn into the sermon. I’m planing to go back there this Sunday, I hope it doesn’t disappoint.
The only way I can grow is if I change my environment, and change my routine. As much as I don’t want to part from the people I care about if it helps me grow, I have to (But, I’ll probably will still be with them for Christmas eve and New Years eve). The only way for me to be able to care of myself more, to love myself more and for everything to fall into place; I have to grow. I have to grow spiritually, that way I can grow mentally as well. I hope that I made the right decision.
That’s all for now, pray for me guys!
J U L E